For the past two years I have been writing a comprehensive equestrian manual designed for young riders age 10-16. At 17 years of age I am finding difficulty locating a publisher willing to take a risk on such a young writer. So as a result, I am slowly posting bits of my book for critique. My website officially went up last night and received over 1,000 pageviews in the past 24 hours but nobody seems to want to leave comments.
Any comments on my entries both positive and negative would be greatly appreciated. I have put my heart and soul into this book and I want it to be as complete (while remaining kid friendly) as possible.
I know CR members have a reputation for being a bit.... opinionated at times but I really could use some honest critiques.

www.youngridersblog.com

anyone want to lend me a hand?

forgot to add. at the bottom of each entry is a "karma" button so even if u dont want to leave a comment you can still give me modified feedback

"Types of Bits and Their Usage

Jointed- Is the most common type of bit. The two sides work independently allowing the rider to manipulate in the inside or outside of their horse."


Really?!? Don't even get me started on all of the errors/problems with your nutritional advice.

You should collaborate with Blossom.

I think one difficulty with the book is the language you are using. If you are writing for pre-adolescents and early adolescents who are beginners, you are attempting to introduce very basic facts but using vocabulary that they will not be familiar with. You need to explain things in concrete terms. If you do decide to use a term that they may not be familiar with, you need to explain what you mean.

I couldn't read through thte entire thing but even the quote Taon posted above could be confusing. When you say to, for example, an 11 year old who is just learning about horses that a bit is controlling "the inside and outside of the horse"...can you see how this might lead to problems?

Writing a book requires an understanding not just of your subject matter but of your audience.

Might I make a small, but very helpful, suggestion? Instead of being a cheapskate and trying to get editing services for free from a bunch of know-nothings on CR, why don't you simply pay TIMID for a critique. Words are her business, you know.

Is that first section the WHOLE section about bits? I've never really seen a bit section totally structured around mouthpieces. I was always under the impression bits should first be broken down into two main types, snaffle (direct pressure) and curb (leverage). The type of mouthpiece is secondary. You can have a mullen mouth on a curb or a snaffle. Ditto a single or double jointed mouthpiece.

You don't appear to even mention the difference between curbs and snaffles...

So that's my first critique.

I agree. Your sections already posted are just snipits of the full section, right? That's what I was led to believe from reading your summary.

First off, if you want to be taken seriously by publishers, you need an agent. Check out the books "The Writer's Market" and "Jeff Herman's Guide To Book Publishers, Editors, and Literary Agents".

Next, you need to consider what your book will provide that other books have not. If I want a comprehensive equestrian manual for young riders, quite frankly I am going to pick up a Pony Club manual. There are already many well-written and informative guides for young riders and beginners. What is different about yours that would make a publisher want to buy it?

Finally, you need an editor. I see a lot of grammatical errors and confusing writing already in just the two short sections posted.

Examples: "They work off the tongue, making them ideal for horses that cannot tolerate bar pressure but do not have different sides that can be used independently."

The horses do not have different sides that can be used independently??

"Twists provide better brakes on horses that are hard to stop but is not be used in place of proper training."

ARE not TO be used in place of proper training. Twists is plural. The word 'to' was missing entirely.

Most successful horse books come from successful horse people or organizations. It gives weight to what they are talking about. I suspect you will find it very hard to market a book like this without the backing of a successful career. Also, horse books designed for this age bracket are everywhere. It's a very saturated market. Even disregarding the quality of the writing or the quality of the information given (both of which would need substantial improvement, in my opinion, before it would be worth publishing), I think you are going to find it very hard to sell.

I agree with kizzless. Unless you are going to write about something totally new and controversial (like why all horses should be shaved of all their hair), then your book is just like tons out there. And I dont mean this in a rude way, but why should people listen to what you say? At such a young age, you dont have the name or career that allows you to even give advice to people.

There's already to many "horse manuals" out there. And you are in desperate need of editing.